The 12 Step Aside Program - Step 3

by Step Aside Butch

STEP THREE
Cultivate your energy and get fired for success

The Third Step leads us up the stairs to perfection by helping us live without work. We will learn how to get fired from our jobs and live in perpetual bliss. How does this help us personally? Well, without a job or career, we can aspire to our inner asthetic, our primal need to evolve from day to day without the hindrance of a job to show up at every day. Paycheck dependent people just end up crying their lives away and dying cold and lonely. Do you work to live, or live to work? Now you won't do either one! We will practice simple occupation avoidance strategies, and, with any luck you may be fired before our next session.

Use the fire behind your eyes from dealing with customers to get fired! Lets get it over quick and painlessly with fun phrase that you can try on your employers; "Who do I have to kill to get fired around here?" If that doen't work, we will try more drastic methods.

Repeat after me;

"Your business practices are horrible."

"If you don't fire me, I just might do something crazy."

"There is no power on Earth that can keep me from killing you and raping the backs of your knees."

"After I kill everyone that I work with, I'll kill you, then myself and follow you to Hell, then fuck you up one more time!"

See! Destructive is constructive! You've got yourself some great unemployment checks and super court appointed counselor. But you won't need that hack for long, cause you've just gone a quarter of the way though my 12 Step Aside Program.

Getting fired may not be as easy as you think. First you must 'Cultivate your Hate'. Give those little seeds of inefectual sadness some bile-like yesterday morning coffee to grow from. Get ready to savor the soft hand-fed flesh of the middle management. Kiss each bullet before they drop like pennies in a corporate fountain through the frail sunless skin of your boss and their minions. Sate your unquechable thirst for revenge for the misuse of your unique mind and the abuse of the only body you will get this lifetime. Standing all day. Sitting all day. Using the full potential of your mind to accomplish a task any one of millions of people could do better. Using none of your brain and slaving long and hard over machines that are made to make work easier. Hands bruised. Brain boiling. Eight hours, nine hours, ten hours. Never enough. Five days, six days, seven days. Never enough. Work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep. Revolution begins in the malcontent mind. Begins in the wide awake mind. Work and sleep and work and sleep, what mind have you left when that day off arrives, errands must be run to keep your power on and phone on and the rent paid and yourself clothed to keep your alarm clock and phone ringing and drive you from the home and the self you never see. Work for idle hands will callous those hands and lift the will from your soul like post-its from your desk and taxes from your check. You are laying the bricks in someone elses American Dream. And you have no time to dream, drunk and laden with paranoia as you wait for the power to go out any second.

Let's review:

Smile, but don't interact yet.

"I hate people that don't smile, and I hate myself for hating them."

"I will find the 'path' in 'pathetic'."

Get fired by next Monday

"Who do I have to kill to get fired around here?"

ANY QUESTIONS?!